That Kid

Now that I'm back in school, continuing on my path toward the vague shadows and outlines of my future, I once again find myself in unabashed wonder (which sometimes borders on disbelief) when I look around my college and see so many of That Kid.

That Kid comes in many shapes, colors, and varieties. He can be a she, an adult, a midget, a giant, or a Hawaiian. There is really no credentials to being That Kid... in fact, I am probably That Kid to someone else, just as That Kid is That Kid to me. I have come to terms with this fact, and humbly accept this position. I hope you have come, or will come, to that acceptance as well.

But the topic of That Kid is too broad to immediately begin examining his (or her) existence with the mere comment that you and I are That Kid. Let's quickly look at That Kid in depth, realizing the extent of his influence and the broad scope of his effect.

That Kid could be a group. For example, The Kid could be the group of slightly nerdy girls who talk really loudly in the lunch line about new technologies. If you look closely, you may notice the "lead girl" whose voice cuts through the vast spaces around her to reach your ears. She may periodically look around to see it anyone notices her or her new phone.
The Kid Groups could also be the iPod Kids, or as I call them, the iKids. These iKids are almost impossible to ignore (even if you try) and consist of relationships of divided unity. This means they are from the same origin, yet each is alone with their music. You can find them walking around (it is not uncommon to see them at least 3 times within 15 minutes, this is because they continually walk around), normally with their head down, listening to their iTunes with their iEars, sometimes grooving to their iBeats. The iKids get on my many people's nerves because they are very anti-social. Ironically, a new iPod (a gift for a birthday or from a parent) can actually transform a very friendly and social person into an iKid with the simple action of stuffing two white ear buds deep into the iEar. They are no longer Sean or Sam or Sarah... now they are iKid.
Groups of The Kid normally consist of 3 - 7 humans, about the same age and physical stature (this is normally true, although there are times when shockingly different people form The Kid, but we will talk about those groups in a moment.) Groups of The Kid make up about 50% of The Kid's at many schools and in social environments (like State Fairs or amusement parks).

But let us move past the groups of The Kid, and onto the individualized Kid. I will only cover a couple well-known Kids, and I'm sure there are many more that I have not addressed. (If you would like, please post a comment about The Kid that is in or has been in your life.)

The Kid I will mention first is the kid nicknamed Tiny. This is usually a 200-300 pound student who has been nicknamed Tiny. Har Har Har. There is always The Kid named Tiny.

There is always a Kid, The Kid, named Dan. He's usually the kid in most of your classes, and always seems to be everywhere. He tries to be super original and unique, and sports his individuality by wearing a piece of duck tape that says "Dan" on it (like a nametag) and sitting in the front row in the closest possible seat to the teacher. Dan will raise his hand for almost every question, and after a while the teacher will ignore his hand completely, even if it is the only one in the air. Searching the room with great intensity, Dan's hand has become invisible. Also, Dan might wear the same shirt every day (just during first hour) in hopes of creating tradition. Maybe he thinks that everyone will pick up on the idea of wearing a bright, Day-Glo orange T-shirt that says "Mountain Dew" on it every single day. Sad to say, the majority never catches on. Dan consoles himself with yet even more duck tape nametags.

Let’s move on from Dan, to another fascinating spectacle of human existence. The Kid I’m talking about is The Drawing Kid. The Drawing Kid is fairly easy to spot, but you must search sometimes because he is a quick-mover and highly nomadic. He usually plunkers down somewhere for about 20 minutes, emptying his backpack of sketch pads, pens, a CD player, CD’s, his jacket and a torn math book. After a while of sketching on CD's and notebook covers though, he will suddenly gather all of this belongings, and rush off to another location… perhaps where there are new CD’s or a hip poetry reading that he can pretend to be interested in. Drawing Kid can also get on people’s nerves, mostly because of his tendency toward playing loud music. Sometimes interested in Electronic/Rave Music, he assumes that the whole school, the entire human civilization and his torn math book actually want to hear his music. So he wears his headphones (the wrap-around the back style) around his neck and then cranks his techno mumbo-jumbo so that all can hear it. Sometimes if you look at him during this music phase, you will catch a quick glimpse of "musical superiority face". He looks at you as if he knows that you secretly wish you were his CD’s, his headphones, or his torn math book.

Dropping Kid, sometimes referred to Dropping Girl, or Dropper, comes next. She seems to be everywhere and once, and sometimes you may assume that she is omnipresent. (Although this may seem to be true, it is not. She just is a lot of places that you are.)Dropping Girl sits in the front row, usually a couple of chairs away from Dan. Sometimes she is an adult, coming back to school, and craving recognition with and association to young college students. She is also a hand-raiser, and is also ignored. Anyway, Dropper tends to find herself picking her books up off the floor in front of her. Her books (which seem to be unusually slippery) seem to slip off of her desk and crash onto the floor a couple of times per class period. Each time Dropper drops, she looks at a couple people around her with a comical look on her face as if she is saying, “That has never happened before!! My books just fell off my desk! Did you see that!? I can’t even believe that!! That is the craziest thing that has ever happened to me – I’m sitting here in a CLASS and my books all slipped off my desk!!! Did you even see that!?! Whoa, that is so funny and crazy and super-risky and totally weird and oh my gosh that’s unbelievable and I’m back in college again!!!!! WHOOOAAA!!” Enough said about Dropping Girl.

Well, I need to take a break from this Blog, but if you would like, I will come back and finish it off with a part two.

So the question is…Which Kid are you?

***DON'T MISS IT! THE KID PART II WILL INCLUDE:***

CLUELESS KID (Will he ever realize that homework is due EVERY Monday?)
SKIN KID (Honey, those jeans are a 4, you are a 12, and I need a toilet to vomit in.)
CLARIFYING KID ("Mr. Jones, I just want to clarify that you wanted our papers in 12-point font right? Because I can't remember if you said 12 but meant 11.467 font or just plain old 12.... 12? OK, got it! ...And did you want our papers in Times New Roman font or Curlz? Times New Roman? OK, thanks a whole bunch!")