People! I have the weirdest things happen to me... I think me and my Auntie Linda should write a book (she has GREAT stories, too) about all of the strange things that have happened to each of us.
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My story begins as I am walking around my block last night listening to worship music on my iPod and praying. It was so nice that I just had to be outside! (It was probably around 10 PM.) After walking around the block once, I decided to go down to the area behind my house and sit by the pond. I like solitude, and sitting in the cool, slightly winterish breeze sounded pleasant.
As I sat down on the large roots of a willow tree and looked out over the pond, I pulled my baggy stocking cap down farther on my head. I looked up at the stars, thinking about creation, thinking about how much I loved being outside.
The song I was listening to faded out... I sat with my eyes closed, expecting to hear the wind and rustling leaves fill in the empty sound left behind. Instead, and to my utter delight, I heard a very distinct crunching. I opened my eyes, staring straight ahead, listening oh-so intently to the very loud sound to my left that was getting louder each second.
The hat on my head was baggy and almost completely blocked my peripheral vision. As the crunching grew louder and I realized that someone or something alive was coming toward me, I froze. I tried to act carefree by staring straight ahead... but really I was too scared to look at what was coming toward me.
The crunching slowed and I turned my head slightly so I could see out of my peripheral and get a glimpse of what was coming at me. It was not a person, it was an animal. From what I could tell it was a cat... a large cat. Not wanting to quickly look over and startle it, I relaxed a little, thinking maybe it was a lonely cat that might want to curl up next to me and keep me warm.
Then it got closer. This was NOT a cat. This was a large, ugly possum. It's pointy white nose found my left arm and started sniffing me viciously. I tried to look at it, but it was so close to me that the only was I could have seen it would have been to completely turn my head and look at it. Which would have been deadly.
For those of you who don't know, possums are extremely dangerous. They are very lonely, angry animals who are vicious when they attack. They aren't very fast runners but they are quicker than lighting when they are close. Possums are eagerly angered, have razor sharp teeth, and eat meat. Here's the problem:
I am not easily angered, I have dull, stupid teeth, and I like salad.
If I would have seen it was a possum from farther away, I would have gotten out of there. But now that it was here, at my side, sniffing its delicious new dinner, I couldn't move. That thing would have been on me like Fixident on Grandma's dentures. So I sat there, frozen.
In a couple more seconds, it finally turned and ran. I looked at it as it waddled away and sighed. I slowly and quietly (I was as quiet as I could be on a tree root with dead leaves sticks other loud crunchy items that nature discards) ran for me life.
Whew! That was a close one!
January 27, 2006
January 22, 2006
Blithering
Have you ever found yourself with a million tasks to accomplish... hardly any time to work with... and then suddenly you are in front of your computer, typing mindless blog postings and trying to forget how behind you are, how long it will take you to catch up, and pondering the fact that even though you've been to college you still write run-on sentences? I have.
Right now I am eating an organic banana, something I've been doing more often. The sticker on this banana showed two little people and said "Fair Trade Barter". I wonder what the Dole people gave the tribe who harvested these organic bananas... I have a feeling it wasn't a machete or some imported cloth to make clothes... it was probably some bottles of Coke, a few cases of Little Debbie snack cakes ("Oh, dearest Little Debbie - how my heart beats for your Valentine Snack Cakes!") and a case of Verizon cell phones.
Speaking of cell phones and remote tribes, I actually heard a true story about an interesting development in the jungles of some country I can't pronounce. These guys working with Samaritans Purse went to this jungle tribe to deliver shoeboxes. This tribe was so remote, so underdeveloped that the people didn't wear much clothing (especially the women - no tops... what was funny is that the women demanded a picture the one of the "missionaries" and wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm sure he was only slightly self conscious at that time.) Anyway, they were talking to this chief when all of a sudden a cell phone rang... the chief pulled out a cell phone and says, "Hello?"
Isn't it slightly strange for a village chief to have a cell phone? What would he say? Here are my guesses:
riiiiing riiiiiing
"Yo, Poncho, what time are we raiding the Zubnak tribe? Was it 8 or 8:30? "
riiiiiiing
"Hello? ....no! ... they didn't! ... you're best milking goat?!? "
riiiiiiing riiiiiiiiiing rrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
"Yeah.... hi... I'm calling from Botswana...... yeah... have our orders come in? The confirmation number? Sure: 839570099. ...yup, 38 tiny loin clothes... just curious, are those a 60/40 cotton lycra blend? Oooh, they're 80/20 cotton spandex? Cancel the order."
Wow... weird.
Moving on. This topic has nothing to do with anything, but it is still something I need to address. The issue? Brands. Instead of explaining what I mean, I'm just going to use examples.
1. Did you know what the brand "Daewoo" makes stereo systems... and cars? I'm pretty sure they make TVs and other electronic equiptment, too. That is weird to me.
2. Did you know that if you take the word "Sun" and add any word onto the end, you have a brandname? Try it. Sunbelt, Sungrain, Suntree, Sunbeam, Sunshine, Suntime, Sunkids, Sunsun, Suncave, Sunwrap, Sunsuit, Sunspray, Sunsound, Sunbolt, Sunread, Sunstick. See? Anything works! It's a miracle.
3. There is a 90% chance that the Sun-company that makes your granola bars also makes your dryer sheets.
4. Rainbow foods has it's own brand: Roundy's. In case you've never bought a Roundy's food item, there are some very destinct observations one can make regarding the cereal.
Box of Cereal: The is no front and back... just two fronts. Say goodbye to fun games and word mix-ups. Turn the box around to see... the cover.
Bags of cereal: The "tear here" thing is a load of crap. "Tear here" actually means, "TRY to tear here, and when you are pulling really hard the bag will explode all over your kitchen and your dog will run in the kitchen and eat all the cereal."
End of Blithering.
Right now I am eating an organic banana, something I've been doing more often. The sticker on this banana showed two little people and said "Fair Trade Barter". I wonder what the Dole people gave the tribe who harvested these organic bananas... I have a feeling it wasn't a machete or some imported cloth to make clothes... it was probably some bottles of Coke, a few cases of Little Debbie snack cakes ("Oh, dearest Little Debbie - how my heart beats for your Valentine Snack Cakes!") and a case of Verizon cell phones.
Speaking of cell phones and remote tribes, I actually heard a true story about an interesting development in the jungles of some country I can't pronounce. These guys working with Samaritans Purse went to this jungle tribe to deliver shoeboxes. This tribe was so remote, so underdeveloped that the people didn't wear much clothing (especially the women - no tops... what was funny is that the women demanded a picture the one of the "missionaries" and wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm sure he was only slightly self conscious at that time.) Anyway, they were talking to this chief when all of a sudden a cell phone rang... the chief pulled out a cell phone and says, "Hello?"
Isn't it slightly strange for a village chief to have a cell phone? What would he say? Here are my guesses:
riiiiing riiiiiing
"Yo, Poncho, what time are we raiding the Zubnak tribe? Was it 8 or 8:30? "
riiiiiiing
"Hello? ....no! ... they didn't! ... you're best milking goat?!? "
riiiiiiing riiiiiiiiiing rrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
"Yeah.... hi... I'm calling from Botswana...... yeah... have our orders come in? The confirmation number? Sure: 839570099. ...yup, 38 tiny loin clothes... just curious, are those a 60/40 cotton lycra blend? Oooh, they're 80/20 cotton spandex? Cancel the order."
Wow... weird.
Moving on. This topic has nothing to do with anything, but it is still something I need to address. The issue? Brands. Instead of explaining what I mean, I'm just going to use examples.
1. Did you know what the brand "Daewoo" makes stereo systems... and cars? I'm pretty sure they make TVs and other electronic equiptment, too. That is weird to me.
2. Did you know that if you take the word "Sun" and add any word onto the end, you have a brandname? Try it. Sunbelt, Sungrain, Suntree, Sunbeam, Sunshine, Suntime, Sunkids, Sunsun, Suncave, Sunwrap, Sunsuit, Sunspray, Sunsound, Sunbolt, Sunread, Sunstick. See? Anything works! It's a miracle.
3. There is a 90% chance that the Sun-company that makes your granola bars also makes your dryer sheets.
4. Rainbow foods has it's own brand: Roundy's. In case you've never bought a Roundy's food item, there are some very destinct observations one can make regarding the cereal.
Box of Cereal: The is no front and back... just two fronts. Say goodbye to fun games and word mix-ups. Turn the box around to see... the cover.
Bags of cereal: The "tear here" thing is a load of crap. "Tear here" actually means, "TRY to tear here, and when you are pulling really hard the bag will explode all over your kitchen and your dog will run in the kitchen and eat all the cereal."
End of Blithering.
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