Hello friends! Hello enemies! Hello Mary Perez! (You'll all understand that in a couple of days.) Welcome to my NEW authentic Asian Restauraunte (don't you like the way I spelled that?) I have named it
KungKookie's Asian Buffet and Small Person Feed Trough.
My specialty is 4tune Kukies... as you can see, I've renamed them to reflect my authentic Asian background and original creativeness! Mmm! Aren't you just cravin' for a 4tune Kukie?
Since you are all invited as VIPS whenever you come to my restauraunte, I'm going to let you in on a pre-internet visit to read some of the 4tunes you might find in your 4tune Kukie. I know many times in REGULAR, generic, non-creative Fortune Cookies, you might find Asian-type sayings, Chinese quips, and lucky numbers... what nonsense! At KungKookie's Asian Buffet and Small Person Feed Trough, our 4tune Kukies are filled with real-life information that can help you live each day! They may inspire you, or make you think... they may just be a bit of good-sense information. 4tune Kukies are made special, to help you learn how to be a better, more Asian person... to let your inner Sushi-eater get out it's chopsticks and say, "Kung Foo!"
Kukie Sample #1
"He who has the last laugh always laughs the hardest."
Kukie Sample #2
"Learn Chinese! 'Pao tang ufono eep chung chung tatty kat.' You're a pro! You just said, 'Gimme some more of that Sangchao Fish! It takes yummy!' "
Kukie Sample #3
"Real-Life Fact #855: Six out of eight African American males will do prison time at least once in their lifetime... why hide the truth!"
Kukie Sample #4
"World questionnaire: Why do really fat women always wear navy blue or black stretchpants? And what is that bag-type thing that hangs down...you know, it's under the stomach but sits on the legs? Are they storing nuts and berries for winter? ...more like they're storing cantaloupes and watermelons."
Kukie Sample #5
"You've got an Apolokukie! All it is is an apology for a 4tune Kukie that has offended you."
Kukie Sample #6
"Learn Chinese! 'Fao tan cheep nop, sainhe yip yan yan! Chu ke nup Suni nao pancheko!' You're a pro! You just said, "Dang it! Why is my phone bill so high!? I only called Suni once, not twice!"
Kukie Sample #7
"Real Life Fact #102: You are a disappointment to your family. Grandpa Chao-Ling is the only one whose eyes find favor with you."
Kukie Sample #8
"World questionnaire: Just because someone is Asian doesn't NECESSARILY mean they know how to re-route a modem bypass network or to make tiny unnecessary toys from scratch. It DOES mean that they can take pictures of you using their Kodak camera and hold up the "peace" sign to make you laugh while wearing a super shiny pink backpack with Britney Spears on it."
Kukie Sample #9
"You've got an Apolokukie! The 4tune Kukie Kompany Ink. would like to sincerely apologize for any of our kukies that may have offended you or someone you know or someone of Asian decent."
THAT'S JUST A SNAPSHOT OF SOME OF OUR GREAT KUKIES! I hope you will join me as my new restauaunte opens on _____ __TH, 20__. I'll soon post a Ku-pon so you can get a GREAT deal the first time you come in and dine.
Have a Kuk-tastic DAY!
PS... Oh my gosh what have I written.
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Confession #278: I love the group 4Him.
"Nice soft-ware, Ste-Phe-nie!" -Number 5
8 comments:
I often wondered myself about the "fat woman bulge." What is it exactly? Maybe it's like a camel hump, filled with fat and oily water and is used for overweight women who are inclined to traverse across the desert wastes...
That's a good speculation. Maybe it's like an extra limb that develops from the oily water and layers of fat... do you think it has a will of it's own? Maybe it even has an eye somewhere.....
Jennifer -
If you haven't noticed, I am asian, so it doesn't matter what I say that involves asian people, simply because I am one of them.
OH my word! That was awesome, Jer!
I want a 4tune Kukie™ sometime.
- kuzin kate
Jeremy, I think this was a really courageous thing to do, letting everyone know that you were adopted like this. Kudos to you for finally embracing your Asian roots! May your path be strewn with good 4tune.
I'm speechless. You sound like you're a member of the KKK, and I don't mean the Krunchy Kookie Klan.
I "Anonymous" means the Klondike Kate Klub.
I'm an idiot. I forgot a word. I meant to say that I THINK anonymous means the Klondike Kate Klub. Duh. Sorry.
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